When The Teacher Girl moved back home to do her student-teaching gig, she got me hooked on Wheel of Fortune. Every night, we’d watch it together, solving puzzles, shouting out letters, yelling at contestants. It is a well-known fact around here, that I cannot be beat. Why? Three reasons. I love words. I’ve cracked the Wheel code. I am The Mother of All Dorks.
Before & After………….Concentrate on solving the first or second half, not the whole puzzle. As soon as you’ve solved half of it, the rest is easy.
Prize Puzzle……….Always has to do with a destination spot. Think beaches and you’re going to Hawaii.
Final Spin……….If it’s one word you’re toast. Hard as hell to solve, but think compound word.
The kids always tell me I should try out for the Wheel and win my fortune, and I’ve considered it. However, it is also a well-known fact around here that I get diarrhea when I get one of my Nerve Spells. If a Southwest flight I was on should have an outbreak of the scoots, I could supply every passenger with Immodium because I carry that much with me all the time for the Nerve Spells.
If I ever did make it to The Final Spin, I’d probably stand at the marker and get that uh-oh, pre-diarrhea feeling and end up shouting, “I’m about to crap my pants.” Old Pat and Vanna would say, gosh, sorry, no, it’s A Pot of Gold. Well, we don’t refer to it as that in Kansas, but okay. Then Pat would open the envelope and show me that I just lost thirty grand, and I’d have to go back to the Land of Oz with nothing to show for my troubles but a purse full of poop pills.
