Month: April 2012

This was a piece I wrote a few years ago when The Boy Child was getting ready to graduate from high school.  Now Mallie Bee is a month away from that milestone and ready to spread her wings.  It will take some getting used to not having any kids in the house, especially after this morning when that girl cracked herself up all the way to school.  The time………it has flown.

Our daughter’s senior year of high school had all the makings of a bad storm, with foreboding clouds that seemed to relentlessly hang over the house.  I was thrilled she was able to go off and spread her wings and she was more than ready to go, but all of it made my stomach churn.  After her graduation, we spent the summer planning her dorm room, buying bedding and other necessities, so when she asked me if she should start packing her clothes, why did it stop me in my tracks?  Pack her clothes?  She lived here.  She couldn’t take her clothes with her.
 
That daughter is now a senior in college and anxious to finish school and begin her life, but now there is another senior in the house, a son this time, and we will start all over again.  This go-round doesn’t seem to be so raw and I don’t seem to be fretting as much which makes his life so much easier than his sister’s. 

That boy ran cross country for most of high school and when his final season ended, we attended the banquet where it is a custom for each of the seniors to make a speech.  He was near the end and thanked us, his coaches and a freshman who ran behind him during a varsity race.  He told the audience that he didn’t think he could have finished the race had Reed not been behind him and encouraging him, and then he ended it with special thanks to the guys on JV, to whom he was especially close.

I was enormously proud of this child who on a daily basis struggles with many aspects of academics, but does not let it knock him down or forget to thank those who push him on.  Like his sister, there is a bigger world out there waiting for him and we will spend the summer looking for bedding and packing his clothes. 

When the car is loaded with all the things needed to start a new adventure, we will cheer from afar.  The raising of them required us to be tough when we wanted to cry, to hold them to a very high standard because we thought they were capable of so much, to demand that they work hard because a successful life requires hard work, and to sometimes let things slide when they needed a break. 

It has been no easy task to hand the reins over to teachers, principals, school nurses and guidance counselors but we did, and sooner than we thought we handed them over to each of them to manage their own destiny.  I hope we’ve done our job well enough for them to know that their dad and I believe they hung the moon…….

………and the road we traveled to get them there was our favorite place to be.

Yesterday I went for my annual physical.  As those things go, it was rather 2nd rate.  Nothing is wrong with me and I had to make no copay, so I guess I got what I didn’t have to pay for.

The subject of bone health came up, and though I used to be a devoted calcium taker, I quit the habit.  Since The Queen Mum has osteoporosis and The Grand Mum had it before her, I have no business doing that.  Before the doctor and med student had a chance to chastise me, I beat them to the punch.  I know, I know.  I have no excuse.  Did I realize that just one fracture puts me at risk for more?  Yes, I did.  Am I aware of what happens to a person who has a hip fracture?  Kinda.  They usually die within six months to a year.  Oh, no.  In a nursing home.  Yikes.   Probably alone.  Meh.

When they were done scaring the shit out of me about that they asked me this…………..

Do you still have intercourse?  What???

Intercourse?  Do you still have it?

I’ve never answered a bullshit question with anything but a bullshit answer and so I said, “Every day.”

Which will be hot-of-the-presses, front-page, late-breaking news to The Big Daddy.

Last week when I interviewed, we met at Starbucks and I ordered a chai tea.

I dislike Starbucks for many reasons.  The first being that when they get busy they all act like they’re at the trauma unit of County General and two commuter trains at rush hour just collided.

Multiple injuries.  Sirens.  Gurneys in the hall.  I need more platelets.  Get neuro down here.  Stat.

Since these are merely beverages being served, the whole place needs to chillax because nobody, and I mean NOBODY is going to die from waiting for coffee.

The other reason is this………….I was waiting for my order and they called one up for Kathy.  I started to walk to the counter when someone else came at the same time.  Two Kathys.  One drink.

Oh, you’re a Kathy, too?  Sorry, I thought that was mine.

To which The Other Kathy replied, “It’s only yours if you ordered a tall half-skinny half-1 percent extra hot latte with whip.”

No, that’s not me.  I’m not that pretentious.

A couple of years ago, The Big Daddy and I had gone down to KC’s shopping/entertainment district to meet my brother and his family who were in town for the Easter weekend.   At a crosswalk waiting for the light to change, two guys were in front of us.  As we stood there, a car drove by and somebody hung out the window and yelled, “FUCKING FAGGOTS!”

Oh. My. God.

The light changed, we crossed the street and one of the guys said to the other, “See.  This is why I couldn’t live here anymore.”

In the many thoughts racing through my mind, all I could think to do was to catch up to them and say, “I’m sorry about what just happened because Kansas City is better than that.”  They thanked me and told me “it was okay.”

Nothing about that was okay.

I don’t think of myself as some kind of do-gooder out to rid the world of homophobics who are so brave they toss slurs from a speeding car under darkness, but I cannot witness that kind of thing and do nothing.

While The BD got side-lined when he ran into a coworker, I learned their names, what they did for a living, the crushing lonely life of discovering you’re gay in small town Kansas twenty years ago and why New York City was a better fit for them.  It was a ten minute conversation that we were all the better for, and before we parted ways they told me my kids were lucky to have me for a mom and hugged me goodbye.

Grace was resurrected that night.

I had a job interview yesterday and it wasn’t awful.  It was a sales job for a new store opening in Kansas City that sells clothing, furniture and skin-care products.  Since I’m fond of all three of those things and can write stories in my head while I steam clothes, I filled out an online application, completely forgot about it and then got a call for an interview.

It has been awhile since I’ve gone on one of those and I told The Big Daddy that I was kind of nervous about it.  He told me to “be myself”.  Therein lies the problem.

I met with the co-managers and was mindful of my chattiness which almost always leads down the road to Flakeville.  They did not have my application in front of them so they asked for a rundown of my retail experience.  Clothing chain for petites…closed.  Parent company of said clothing chain….closed.  Lighting shop…closed.  Funky, hippie clothing store…closed.

Wow, they said, you sure have worked for a lot of places that have gone out of business.

For fear of driving a nail into this interview coffin or scaring them off, I did not share the name bestowed upon me many years ago by The Big Daddy.

The Black Widow Of Retail.

I have been on the hunt for the perfect MOB dress.  My criteria is something that makes me look tall, thin and not frizzy.

I thought my search was over when I spotted a beauty on the clearance rack at Macy’s marked down from $180.00 to $29.99.  And guess who had a 20% off coupon in her hands?  It didn’t fit but that didn’t stop me from becoming obsessed with it and spending all afternoon on the computer trying to hunt it down.

I decided to go to Hall’s, which is a department store exclusive to Kansas City and very expensive.  In 21 years of living here I have never set foot inside, but I thought this occasion called for an exception.  I was greeted by not one but two salespeople.  I ended up with four dresses to try on and after I was escorted to the dressing room they asked if I’d like anything to drink.  They never ask me that at the thrift store.   Dress #1 made me look short and fat which is how I look all the time.  Dress #2 wasn’t a good color.  Dress #3 was something they snuck in as an option for the rehearsal dinner.  I don’t believe I asked for that.  Dress #4 was a gold sequined frock that in a million years I’d have never picked and I LOOKED AMAZING in it.  Oh my, I think I found the one.

It was $550.00.   

As soon as I saw the price tag I got a hot flash.  Full out hot sweaty mess with an expensive sequined dress plastered to me.

I hung everything up all nice and pretty, put my head down and made no eye contact when I left the dressing room, then hot-tailed it out of there like I’d just held up the place.

Which I kind of did.

We had our first burgers of the season this weekend and since it was so hot we sat on the porch to eat.  When we were done, Mallie Bee came out with a box of popsicles and passed them around.  When she got to The Big Daddy he declined as HE HAS GIVEN UP ALL SWEETS FOR LENT.  Really?  I hadn’t heard.  Only one more week left, he said.

Ummmm, what about that piece of cake you had last nite?  That was complimentary he said.  Yes, it was free, I said.  No, no, no, I mean it was a birthday.  It would have been rude to turn it down.  And the piece of cake you had the week before?  Another birthday, he said.

Oh Big Daddy, come, come……….have a seat at the table for sinners.  Why there’s plenty of company.

I got here early.

Day #4 to be exact.

A personal best.