Back in my single days, I worked for a utility company in Chicago. I was in the employee benefits office where we processed health insurance claims. It was a parade of employees all day long checking on their deductible, adding a new baby, turning in bills to be paid.
One older guy whose wife was ill came in often. He carried a couple of pounds of change in his pocket and jingled it constantly while he was talking to you. Never stopped. Just kept jingling that change the whole time. It made me so crazy that I wanted to scream. Hey, Mr. Bojangles……….how ’bout you put a lid on the pants pocket concert???!!!
In recent years, The Big Daddy has become a whistler. He whistles from the time he gets up to the time he goes to bed. Mindless, annoying whistling that makes me want to hit him in the head with a shovel. Most of the time I can ignore it, but when I’m trying to concentrate or proceeding to checkout it makes me want to scream. Hey, why don’t you hi-ho, hi-ho yourself off to work with the other dwarfs and take that whistle with you???!!!!
I noticed awhile ago that sometimes just before I fall asleep I make this gutteral groaning noise that comes from way back in my throat. The other day I thought I heard it while I was up and about. WHAT. THE. HELL.
As God is my witness, I’ll suffocate myself before anyone has to do the deed for me.
