Squeezing It Out

The Big Daddy and I went to a dinner party for his department.  These are usually pretty fun as he works with some great people.

As things were winding down, we wandered into a discussion about toothpaste.  There are a lot of people who put some serious effort into getting every drop of toothpaste out.  Squeezing, buying special tools, cutting open the tube.   They had all kinds of advice and tips to offer.

Who knew?

That’s not so much of a problem in our house, I said.  We have this toothpaste now that oozes out on its own.  The cap is all gunked up and won’t close all the way so if you just lay it back in the drawer a glob will form so I take my brush and wipe some of it up to brush.  I don’t even have to pick up the tube.  It’s quite the time saver especially when you’re running late.

And The Big Daddy said, “You do that?  Me too.  High-five me for being a slob!”

I did.  We had a moment.  Tears.

Crickets.

There’s the line and then there’s us.

Scandal in Mayberry

When I went to the City Council meetings last year which you can read about here, I saw my representatives in action.

One council member chowed down on a plate of spaghetti while listening to the citizens of Mayberry complain and it was a wee bit distracting.   At one point, he got up and went behind a door which I thought meant he was done.  Instead, he came out with another heaping plate.

When I asked somebody about it, they told me that because the council members usually come straight from work to the meetings, the city provides a dinner for them that most eat before the start of the meeting or during breaks.

Said councilman did not adhere to the manners of most.  Now he has gotten himself into some hot water that makes jumping into a pot of the boiling pasta kind look inviting.

He had a friend who was a little down on his luck.  Homeless.  A history of drug use.  A criminal record.  When he inquired of the police department as to what resources were available to help out this friend, they directed him to a shelter in Kansas City.   While that was an option, Spaghettiman instead gave him his access code, and for the better part of a weekend this guy was camping in the comfort of city hall and its municipal buildings.  Why he even invited one of his buddies over to enjoy the facilities.

Why in the world didn’t Spaghettiman bring his friend to his own house to spend the weekend instead of housing him in City Hall?

That was never an option.

No.  He could never do something like that.

He lives in his parents basement. 

There……..I Said It

The other day I was talking to my sister about our efforts to lose weight.  I don’t get it, I said.  Since I started working I am moving all day long – usually eight hour shifts 3-4 times a week and only sitting long enough to eat and then I’m back up again.  And by eat I mean a salad.  Granola bars or fruit for a snack.  Healthy dinner.  No wine.  Oh wine, I miss thee so.   For three days I was looking at a bowl full of Dove chocolates at the register and I never had a single one.

And nothing.  The same two pound fluctuation.  If only it was three pounds then maybe I’d feel encouraged and keep eating those salads.

While I was at it, what about this blog?  I’ve been stuck at 42 followers forever and how do I crack that nut?  Will it ever inch up?

Two days later, I weighed myself.  There was a THREE pound weight loss and #43 started following me.  Yesterday in the mail came a pair of antlers from my brother and his wife who went over the river and through the woods to find it for me.

The whole month of November is double discount for employees at the store.  I need money. 

A lot more money.

Chicks Rule

When I was a kid growing up, my mom used to go to the Women’s Club meetings at church.  Sometimes to a bunco party.  With six kids, she didn’t have much opportunity to get out of the house, run the school board or get involved in much more than Scouts and Little League.

You don’t manage a house with that many people in it and not be more than capable, but she was never asked.

When I was in high school, there were no sports for girls.  Cheerleading or the dance team?  Take your pick.

Last night the field we were never invited onto looked a lot different as the women pushed the boys out of the way.

Tammy Duckworth.

Elizabeth Warren.

Tammy Baldwin.

New Hampshire.

Claire.

Claire.

Claire.

The female body has been a target in the crosshairs of misinformation and just plain bat-shit crazy statements.

Our ovaries capable of shutting down when attacked?  Not a chance, but they are well on their way to changing things in ways my mom never imagined.

Days & Light

My first adult job was with Peoples Energy Corp. in Chicago.  I don’t even know how I got it, how I knew about it, how any of it came to pass.  I processed health insurance claims for employees and retirees for six years.  It was long before computers and our office was a holding zone for mountains of paper.  Bills would pour in and be alphabetized and stacked each day.  The job of myself and two others was to go through every bill to make sure it was complete, accurate and payable under our plan.  Then we’d forward it to our insurance company for review and payment. 

It was a job that could make people really happy – like the sweet, old meter reader who came in with shoe boxes of bills that he didn’t know he could claim.  I spent an afternoon on the floor of an empty conference room organizing it all and he ended up with several thousand dollars.  He cried when he came to pick up his check and the next day a box of chocolates were delivered to my desk.

It was also a job that could infuriate employees who had their claim denied, and try as we might to make sure that didn’t happen, sometimes there wasn’t a thing we could do about it.  It wasn’t pretty to be on the receiving end of that, but when someone is sick or in a health crisis and denied payment the rage has to land somewhere.

When I got the job, my mom and dad were less than enthusiastic.  You’d have thought that having a kid with full-time employment and benefits would cause them to be elated but that was not the case.  Do you know you’ll have to take public transportation downtown?  Do you know how much that costs?   What about eating out all the time?  Have you thought about that?  Do you know what bad weather does to a bus schedule?

Well, no, no, no, no and no.

I threw their parental advice out the window, and when I landed on Michigan Avenue I found out I was a city girl.   That is not to say it wasn’t without challenges……….like the first time I went to Marshall Fields on my lunch hour.  I had no idea that there were different entrances on different streets and I found myself exiting a door blocks from where I entered with no idea how to get back to work.  Or missing the express train by seconds after an Olympic sprint through underground garages.  Cab drivers that were terrifying and Hare Krishna looking for new recruits.

But helping people when things weren’t going so well in their life is satisfying even on the hard days.  I never grew tired of it or that city, and on the first Monday of daylight savings time I would always gasp when I went outside to head towards the train station.

The early darkness made it seem as though I was walking right into a Christmas tree.

Source: 500px.com via

Rainman

The Big Daddy has some odd habits.  I don’t ask why anymore.  He does strange things that I have to ignore or I’ll go crazy.

For years he has waged a one-man war on squirrels.  Chasing them out of the yard, throwing things at them, cussing at them in the backyard when they were in his garden.  Sometimes he’d jump up in the middle of dinner yelling, “Sonofabitch” and I knew he was about to go Squirrel Chasing. 

A rodent.  Outdoors.

At a party we were at he was telling someone that he doesn’t have to worry about the squirrels anymore which was news to me.  The population has been decimated, he said with a smirk.  Decimated.

He had been talking with a neighbor who was doing yard work when the entrails of a squirrel were falling out of a tree onto his picnic table.

Ermahgawd.

The Mighty Hawk has moved into Mayberry and found a village of food.  

What will The Big Daddy do with his time if he doesn’t have squirrels to chase?

Besides the bags and buckets of tomatoes currently in the dining room, there are buckets of pond water in the basement.

Buckets. Of. Pond. Water.  Indoors.

I am Charlie Babbitt.

He is Rainman.

He’s a good driver.