Awhile into working at our new location, it was brought to the attention of the staff that we had a rodent in the basement. What specifically would you mean by this? You know, a rodent. Would you say the rodent was big? Perhaps. Mouse big or rat big? Probably the latter.
That was the last time I worked at that location that I wasn’t scared to death. I have taken to wearing boots when I’m there and when I have to get something from the basement I clomp really loud down the stairs and say, I’M GOING DOWN TO THE BASEMENT TO LOOK FOR A TURTLENECK. HERE I COME. LOOKY HERE. I’M ALMOST ALL THE WAY DOWN.
This is to notify the rat that he should probably hide (and not by the turtlenecks) so as not to give me a heart attack
This strategy has worked except for the time I was eating lunch (with my feet up) and thought I saw something black from the corner of my eye. I scrambled to safety due to my high alert status but the blackness followed me.
Because it was my hair.
Though an exterminator was called and there hasn’t been a speck of evidence of any problem since then, I cannot relax when I’m in that basement. Can’t stop wearing boots. Can’t stop shouting like I’m FDR making a speech from the back of a train.
Last week I was driving home from work and a raccoon ran across the front of the car. He was coming from the golf course and I thanked my lucky stars we were too poor to live in that part of town.
Two days later I was driving down the same street and saw a mountain lion. A. Mountain. Lion. I came home breathless and shaky and told The Big Daddy to lock the doors. They. Are. Coming. For. Us.
He said what I expected him to say on my nature observation………You did not see a mountain lion. It was probably a big cat.
Don’t you think I know the difference between a cat and a mountain lion?
No, I don’t. Not at all.
I knew you were going to say that. That was no “big cat”. It was big, spotted, fast. A mountain lion.
Impossible.
True story so help me God.
We live in Kansas. You cannot have mountain lions when you have no mountains.
Oh yeah. There’s that.
An internet search determined that what I saw was a bobcat. A bobcat just two miles from home and IT SURE WILL BE HARD WEARING BOOTS DAY AND NIGHT BUT ONE MUST BE READY WHEN THE OUTSIDERS COME KNOCKING.
