When Mark was still a graduate student, we were invited to his boss’ wedding on the campus of Notre Dame. It was a little over a three hour drive from where our apartment was and we left in plenty of time so we wouldn’t be late. Who wants to show up late for the boss on his big day?
We went though the tollbooth and a large school clock hung in the window. It was an hour ahead of us. “That’s weird,” I said. “Why do they have a clock with the wrong time hanging there.”
That’s when the “oh shit” got heard around the world. In every communication that was sent, guests were reminded that certain parts of Indiana don’t change to daylight savings time and that included South Bend. Instead of arriving in plenty of time we arrived an hour late. Into the church we tip-toed and the giant wood door thudded closed behind us causing the seated guests to turn around to see who arrived so unfashionably late.
“What the heck?” I said later on the drive to the reception. “The whole country changes time except a pocket of Indiana. That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard of.”
That was 28 years ago. Now I think this changing of time twice a year is the dumbest thing I ever heard of.
It knocks me out. I can’t get my act together. I’m in a constant daze from lack of sleep. My body clock doesn’t know why it’s been slapped upside the head.
I woke on Sunday – groggy and sluggish from too short of a night. “It’s okay,” I told myself. “You don’t have to work. You don’t have to do anything.” And I didn’t. I puttered. I surfed the computer. I put Visine in to counter the red, watery eyes. I finished one book and started another. I dozed off. I watched The Good Wife, took a bath and went to bed.
I woke up at 4:00 a.m. Which was really three. Or maybe five. Or not enough. I tried to go back to sleep but got up an hour later to start the coffee and feed the cats.
I fed the dog. Was I imaging things or was there a lot more food in his container than yesterday? Weird. And then the craziest thing happened. That dog didn’t eat his food. That dog that eats so fast he makes prisoners look like retirees at an all-you-can-eat-buffet walked away from a bowl of food.
Tired as I was things started connecting real fast. The day before a missing container of cat food showed up on the kitchen counter. “Where’s that been?” I asked The Big Daddy. “Oh, I found it under the sink in the basement.”
“Well, that’s good,” I said. “It’s easier to pour from that,” and I went about my business of doing nothing because of the D.S.T. Awhile later it was empty.
It was empty all right. Emptied into the dog food container.
I ran up the stairs.
“DIDYOUPUTTHECATFOODINTHECONTAINEROFDOGFOOD?
DIDYOU?
YOUDID.
WHYDIDYOUDOTHAT?
IHADENOUGHDOGFOODFORTHERESTOFTHEWEEKANDNOWLOOKWHATYOUDID?
HEWON’TEATIT!!!!!
YOU.HAVE.CONTAMINATED.EVERY.SINGLE.MORSEL.OF.DOG.FOOD.”
And The Big Daddy jumped out of bed and said, “I thought he would like it. What dog doesn’t eat whatever you give it?”
“The same kind of pet as the cats who wouldn’t eat that crap when you bought it months ago.”
“Huh,” he said back. “I guess my experiment didn’t work.”
“Huh,” I sneered back. Maybe I should experiment with putting birdseed in your meat loaf?”
I got dressed and went to work where I moved papers from one side of my desk to the other. I drank coffee and tried to look alert and pretend that I knew what I was doing or what was a priority. I couldn’t. My only focus was my exhaustion and what will here on out be referred to as The Dog/Cat Food Experimental Incident Of The Greatest Magnitude.
Later in the day during a moment of clear thinking it occurred to me that I may have had over-reacting issues in regards to the matter.
And then I snapped out of that nonsense.
I’m going to go with post-traumatic-stress-disorder secondary to daylight-savings-time.
It sounds more legit than Stark-Raving-Bitch-Syndrome.