Over the the past few years Maggie and I have taken it upon ourselves to look for suitable candidates to date our Will. He never asked us to do this (and would roll his eyes when we brought it up) but we decided that since we’ve both had success in the Cute Husband Department we were the perfect choice to help him out.
Both of us narrowed in our man.
Last year when I was going to the dentist weekly for a rogue tooth, I got to know the dental assistant. Besides being good at his job he was very cute and very funny. He could talk about anything, but what sealed the deal for me was his advice on hair products to control frizz during the humid summer months. I had met a soul mate.
Besides that, he wore a scarf fashionably tied around his neck with his blue scrubs. I’m going to repeat that. He wore a scarf tied fashionably around his neck with his blue scrubs.
After Maggie started going to the same dentist, our conversations always turned to Dan. How fun he was, how much we liked him, how perfect he would be for Will.
“We need to work on this,” I said to Maggie, “and since I’m the one that’s there all the time it’s up to me. I’ll get the scoop on him, figure out how he and Will can meet and then let love do its magic.” We discussed our strategy and how we could find out if he was attached. “There’s no way around it,” I said. “I’ll just have to come out and ask.”
So on one of my weekly visits I said to the dentist, “I need to talk to you about something. Is Dan dating anyone because Maggie and I were talking and………..”
The dentist’s face fell as she put her hand on my arm and whispered, “I’m so, so sorry. That’s not going to work. Dan is gay.”
I burst out laughing. “Oh geez, I knew that with the scarf and all but I didn’t mean for Maggie. I meant for my son.”
“DANNNNNNN!!!” She yelled. “Get in here. We’ve got an opportunity for you.”
Dan came running in. The other dental assistant came in. The hygienist peeked around the corner. “Do your thing,” the dentist said to me as the crowd gathered around my recliner. I presented my case my son and frantically tried to pull up a picture on Facebook. They all leaned in to get a good look.
“We don’t always get good reception in here,” the dentist said and disappoint hung as lifeless in the air as a shot of Novocain.
“I’ll friend him,” Dan said. “Tell him who I am so he knows and then we’ll see. I can’t believe I don’t know him already. I think I’ve dated every gay guy in Kansas City.”
The fact that he got around a lot was a little concerning but I ignored that and called Maggie with the deets. “It’s in the works and before you know it Dan will be eating Sunday dinner with us. Maybe he can show us how he ties his scarf in that cool knot?!”
“I know, Mom. Will’s going to thank us for this one,” Maggie said.
Before long they did end up meeting through a mutual friend. In fact, Will met a bunch of new people all of a sudden but, alas, there was not even the slightest spark of a love connection. “He’s not my type,” was all he said.
“Not your type?!!” What do you mean? He’s cute, he’s funny, he’s fashionable,” Maggie and I yelled. Will wouldn’t budge. He moved on rather quickly from this plan of ours but we were having trouble doing the same.
I hadn’t seen Dan in over a year until I went in for a cleaning last month. He poked his head in the room and said. “Hey Kathleen, how’s it going? Haven’t seen you in awhile. Is Will doing okay?”
We got caught up on everything and I was a little sad it didn’t work out with Will. He would have been a fine addition to the family roster.
The original cute son-in-law started going to the same dentist recently. “Did you meet Dan? Isn’t he so good-looking and fun?” Maggie asked.
“I can’t believe you and your mom ever thought he was a good match for Will. Two minutes in and I knew he wasn’t the kind of guy Will would go for. That was a bad idea you two had from the start.”
“What??? Of course it could have worked.”
“Nope. Not Will’s type. You guys don’t know what you’re doing.”
Will did meet someone recently, and what may be the biggest shock of all, Maggie and I had nothing to do with it. We don’t know how he did it without our guidance but he did, and we all like this cute, nice guy who makes Will so happy.
But what are we to do with our time now that our matchmaking skills are not needed?
I’m so glad I asked.
We think it’s time to teach the straight men around here how to accessorize.