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The Big Daddy and I have rarely taken the kids and gone on vacation.  We have squirreled our money away to make sure they can go to college, and that has meant that the fun, expensive stuff doesn’t happen very often.  In fact, it happens about every five years.  But, oh my, when we do go we appreciate every second of it.  This trip was just about perfect – a wedding, our Lake Michigan, perfect weather, sweet little beach town, some boating, some cocktails, good grilling and great roomies.  The pics…………..

Chicks in good clothes and nice shoes.

Big Daddy & The Captain looking like badasses in their vintage hats.

BD telling the table that everything he does makes it on the blog.  Yep.

The cousins table.  They had the fever.  Dance fever.

Teacher Girl & Prince Charming – they’re next @ “I do.”

Menfolk making breakfast.

Rough water, riptides, crazy people in the water.

I can ride a bike.  I did ride a bike.  I loved riding the bike.

Crashing waves……cool, real cool.

I loved this house.  I stalked this house….on my bike.

Little Dancer becomes Little Mermaid

The Boy Child in action.

You know you’re on vacation when there’s a lighthouse.

Every day, same seats.

The Captain, Tennille & The Big Daddy

Lotto win + beach rental = maybe next year.

The starting shortstop for the Chicago Cubs, Starlin Castro, was benched this week for not paying attention.  While he was supposed to be watching the infield and the ball in play, he was looking at the sky, standing with his glove off and eating sunflower seeds.

Is this guy ADD, the press wanted to know.  Nah, he’s just a Cubs player.  The Cubs haven’t won the World Series since 1902 and are currently in 5th place.  They almost always end the year in 5th place.  If they manage to get any higher, it’s kind of a big deal and labeled a pretty good season.

If you are a Cubs fan, you understand losing.  Watching a major league baseball player staring off into space reminds us of ourselves while we’re at work, and it’s why we’ve been known to call in sick and head to the ballpark to see how the pros do it.

“Losing is like a disease, as contagious as the bubonic plague.”

My dad worked for the Edison Company in Chicago for more than 40 years.  He was in charge of safety for the company.  When a guy climbed a poll to restore electricity, my dad was the one who made sure he was trained and knowledgeable in the work he was doing so that he didn’t electrocute himself.  Early in his career, he had to make a house call to a young wife to deliver the news that her husband had died on the job, and that’s the kind of thing that stays with you always. 

We have wicked storms here in Kansas.  Everything you have ever read about them is true, and because of that, it’s not unusual to lose our electricity.  One time it was out for seven days, another time five.  We’ve always toughed it out and managed to get along, but when those power trucks start rumbling into the neighborhood, you want to kiss the ground they roll in on.

Because of a lifetime of my dad’s stories, I’ve never taken them for granted or the people behind the scenes who worry about them until they return to the station.  They are old-fashioned cowboys in these modern times we live in, working long and hard doing dangerous work storm after storm.  And, yes, they do save the day.

We had a doozy of a storm here the other day.  I slept through the entire thing, which is highly unusual.  To sleep, that is.  When we woke up late the following morning, we discovered the power had gone out during the night which was why the alarm never went off.  I made a coffee run while The Big Daddy was in the shower and although our street was fine, all around us trees were down.

Two days later, BD and I took the long way home from church and did a tour of the area.  Oh geez,  it was crazy how much damage there was and the randomness of it.  One side of the street would be fine and the other side looked like somebody took a wrecking ball to every tree.

We couldn’t believe we slept while this was going on, but that’s how we roll lately.  Maybe in our youth we might have been storm chasers, going out to see nature do its ass kicking, but age and wisdom have caught up with us. 

Now we’re damage gawkers and that means we’ve officially crossed over to the other side.  The old people side.

Several years ago, The Big Daddy and I went to see “Open Water”.   The movie was about a couple that goes scuba diving in the Barrier Reef and when they come up, the tour boat has left without them.   It was based on a true story and by the end, they succumb to the elements.  Well, that and the sharks.  It. Terrified.  Me.

When we were on our vacation, I’d get a panic attack every time we were in the boat, for fear I’d get tossed out and left behind until death mercifully came.  It took some doing, but I decided to put my big girl panties on one afternoon and get on the boat so I could hang out at the beach while the kids went tubing.  The Captain anchored the boat, The Big Daddy went swimming down yonder, and the kids and I got in the water.  We were on a sandbar having fun until it was time for them to go tubing and I needed to swim to shore.

Every time my foot left the sandbar, I’d panic.  I tried about five times and I couldn’t do it.  Finally, I got a life jacket on SO WHEN I WALKED TO the shore, I wouldn’t die.  About this time, The Big Daddy comes back and says……..

What are you doing with a life jacket on?  Going to hang out on the beach.

You don’t need a life jacket.  It’s a safety measure.
 
Safety for what?  For when the sharks come.

It’s a lake.   It’s big like the ocean.

You’re in four feet of unsalted water.  Maybe the sharks got lost.

Maybe you’ve lost your mind.   That’s why the sharks can’t have my arms and legs.

While the kids watched all this from the boat, I thought I felt something by my leg and that’s when people in the movies always feel the sharks.  I didn’t hang around to convince them I wasn’t crazy because me and my life jacket needed to bob to the shore.  When I had safely landed, I made a beeline to the bathroom.

It was hard work dodging the sharks, and just an FYI here, it is possible to have the shit scared out of you.

Source: None via Josie on Pinterest

 

The Big Daddy loves to fish which is why he never misses “River Monsters.”  One episode of River Monsters was about a fish that is so small it can (and will) enter a man’s penis.  I bet you never heard about that one during the Meet and Greet at the club.  Our cottage was on a river that emptied into Lake Michigan.  The Big Daddy kept saying he wondered what was in that river and I told him he ought to dip his pole in there to see.  With a baggie over it just in case.  Or maybe we needed to make a trip to the Wal-Marts so he could buy himself a fishing pole.

A couple of hours later, he was sitting on the dock fishing, happy as could be.  The rest of us let him be because with the exception of a fish swimming up your hoo-hah, it’s a pretty dull sport.  Before long, I could hear The Big Daddy yelling, “GET THE NET!  GET THE NET!  THE BIG ONE!”

Here’s me bringing the BIG net.

Geez, kids, I said, I think your dad just caught Moby Dick.  Instead he landed this:

They kind of look like brothers from different mothers.

He caught more after that.  He said they were about this big:

Seriously?  That Big Daddy sure can tell a tall tale, but the real reason he’s so happy is because he didn’t come home with a freeloader in his pants.

When the Boy Child was in high school, he fell hard for Sara Bareillles and her lovely voice.  She was coming to a club in Kansas City and he begged me to take him since he wasn’t old enough to get in by himself.  I was a very reluctant chaperone.  It had poured that day and I must have asked him five times if he was sure he still wanted to go.  He wasn’t about to let me off the hook.  I was the oldest one there by at least two decades and the place was a dive.  The roof had leaked from the heavy rains and there was standing water all over the place, including the ledge that I set my purse on.  If the fire department or city codes inspector had any idea that people were standing in water on the inside, they would have shut the place down in a hurry.   Good times, real good times.

And then Miss Sara, who was the opening act, came out to sing.  She was charming and humble and sang like an angel, and I thought her mama must be so proud of her.  The Boy Child said told you so and I downloaded his c.d when we got home.  Whenever I hear her, I think about that nite and how the children will lead us if we’re willing to go.

 

My kids are of an age that requires far more $$$ than highlighters in order to start the school year.   We still have the mega-buck calculator (under threat of serious harm to anyone who loses it) and the backpack does not get replaced unless you make a mighty good case in front of the committee of Mom.  As far as new shoes?  Let me show you the last pair I bought that were worn less than a week.

The ease of getting the kids into school hasn’t always been like this.  Just ask a parent who’s received the godawful school supply list in the mail.

Prang water colors.  Prang water colors have never, ever been used in the history of elementary school, but they make the cut every year.  Your insubordinate Mom won’t be a team player and buy another one?  Well, 2nd grader, we’ll just put a check mark next to that and you can start the first day of school feeling like a loser.

Kleenex.  Best if purchased by the case to supply the classroom, gym, music and art room, and don’t forget the library.  The state can’t afford to shut down Planned Parenthood and provide boogie wipes for all you snotty, little kids.

Red pens.  Let’s grade our neighbor’s paper, shall we?  That would be that Flanders’ kid who will have told everyone in class how dumb your little darling is during recess.  He’s hoping to grow up to be a professional Shit Starter, just like his dad. 

New design of the school tshirt only $15.00.  Sweatshirt a mere $30.00.  Don’t you want Junior to show his school spirit?  That died when he got passed over for the soccer team.  Twice.

PTA enrollment with check.  You are going to join the PTA, aren’t you?  Oh, I thought that was some sort of wacked out religious cult.  No?

The Mob probably learned how to run a racket from the Annual Back to School Shakedown that happens at this time every year.  Stressed out parents and whiney kids populate every aisle of Target buying crap they don’t need and has little to do with them becoming successful.

I bet even The Mighty Big Chief wonders how he ended up on the cover of a writing tablet considering his people likely wrote their answers in the dirt.  His bad……he must not have ordered the pre-pack.