Mark’s closest friend at work was Joe. When he interviewed for an associate professor position in the department, Mark thought he was by far the best candidate and likely lobbied hard for him to be hired. Their friendship was signed, sealed and delivered a few years later when Joe put up posters around the med center on April Fool’s Day saying that Mark was retiring and the contents of his lab was up for grabs. Colleagues showed up saying they were surprised to hear “the news” and then kicked the tires of Mark’s equipment like it was a used car lot. It took hours for Mark to realize he’d been set up and he loved it.
After that he and Joe were joined at the hip. Whenever there was anything happening, course content, office gossip or otherwise, Mark and Joe discussed it. They talked every day, they’d grab lunch together, and as a couple we often went out to dinner with Joe and his wife. When it was announced that their department chair was retiring, the place was rife with all kinds of speculation and jockeying for the position. During that time Mark would come home and talk about it and say to me, “Well, Joe said…..” and I came to learn that whatever Joe said Mark took as gospel.
Because Joe is Joe and he loved Mark, he checks in on me and before Covid I went out to dinner a few times with he and his wife. At one point we talked about my dating and Joe said, “Whenever you decide to go for it you’ll be swept up in a minute. You’re a hot tamale,” which made me burst out laughing. But after that on the many days when nothing seemed to being going right and I needed a daily affirmation, I’d look in the mirror and say, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it Joe says I’m a hot tamale.”
This spring with a wee bit of confidence and lots of encouragement, I decided to dip my scared and shaky toe into the waters of online dating. It didn’t take long for the messages to start rolling into my inbox which seemed flattering until I read them.
*I work out six days a week because I’m ugly. Why would you….what???
*My favorite thing to do for date night is to play Scrabble. Only request is that you wear a short skirt and stilettos. Here’s my number. I’m ready, willing, and able to love you. Look at you bringing sexy back to board games.
*If you’re a cheater, scammer, or game player don’t bother me. What about Scrabble?
*Interested but not if you are clingy, vegetarian, bitchy, confrontational, drama queen, self-absorbed twatwaffle, introvert, alpha female, lunatic liberal. You seem nice.
*Covid dating is challenging with the six foot distance thing. Yet to figure out how oral sex works with a mask but willing to try with you. I…..you…..what????
*Sweetie, cutie, honey, babe….let’s get together. You look Italian. I’m neither Italian or your babe.
*Where do you work? I can come by this afternoon. No you can’t. Ever.
*I like to handle disagreements by making sweet, passionate love all night long until we both forget what we were arguing about. True story. The first year I was married I got in an argument with my husband, threw a frozen pot roast at him, and stormed out of the house. We made sweet, passionate love a thousand times after that but I never forgot the details of that day and that was 38 years ago.
I have talked with my therapist so many times about dating, that even when I was MUCH younger it was hard and how am I supposed to do this in my 60s. “Have you every entertained the thought,” she asked, “that maybe there’s men out there that feel the same way as you? That they don’t know what they’re doing either.” “No, never,” I said and she looked at me and said maybe I could try and I looked back and said my plate is full with too many trying things.
But because Joe is Joe and he loved Mark his words still resonate with me.
You’re a hot tamale.
Too bad he didn’t give me a heads up that it’s a Taco Bell world out there.
Kathleen, another wonderful story that really touched me! I know 4 women who found their husbands through online dating – 2 were older hot tamales like you! There must be some sites out there that are not disgusting! We need to help you find them.
It’s true! You are a hot tamale, if I am not breaking any laws or codes of ethics by saying so. When my sister’s first husband died, her in-laws fixed her up with a nice Jewish doctor, a “haat dacteh” (that’s a cardiologist to those not from the East Coast) and they have been married now 15 years. The in-laws wanted to keep her around, I guess. Is J-date out of the question?
Great piece. I’m still LOL.
First read of my morning and I am smiling.
This was a real treat to read. The only thing I know is that when the Universe
Is ready for you to have another chapter ….. it will happen.
Thanks for sharing this one. You made my day !Tom’s too . ❤️
All good thoughts ….. Judy & Tom XO
I loved that he had a Joe in his life, and you do, too. I can’t imagine going through that horse race again, now so late in life. You deserve the best, lady!
Online dating sounds a little scary to me, but then I remember bars from the 80’s which were probably just as bad. Be open to suggestions from friends…hopefully they can weed out the creepy ones who think you can just say anything on the first date (or first email)!
I am still attempting to digest those effing horrific things those fuck tards said to you on the dating sights. Jesus.
What a world. What a world. The only good news is that they are so stupid and arrogant you can sort them OUT immediately. Hopefully block them. Ugh.
Huge hugs for you Hot Tamalie Pie gal.💗🤗
What??!! Why would you want to date when you’ve got me!!
Love you, beautiful.
I don’t like spicy, or hot, but I do like smart and genuine.
So, you’re a catch to me. xo
Been there and done that . After many failed meetings I gave up . That is when my neighbor said she knew someone and she had to call him anyway so could she give him my # . Long story short, after being a widow for 5 years and dating this man for 3 years, i married my charming , considerate partner in crime! 14 years this summer . There is someone out there for you too !
I dunno, Kath. You’ve reported some crazy shit, here. Maybe you can tell them to meet you for the first time in the parking lot of the police station, like you do when you want to sell your car. That will thin out the crowd, I’ll bet!
Lordy Kathleen, this brought back memories! My first marriage was a sixteen year relationship which was significant for someone whose all time record was two years. My first venture to online dating I nearly hyperventilated after activating the “Post” button. I was terrified, I had no perspective if I was still considered attractive 😉 or days old fish.
What happened was similar, messages started flooding my inbox, initially relieved and flattered, until I began reading. 🤬 Are these guys remotely serious? From outrageous propositions of 30 something boy toys, bathroom mirror selfie’s 🙄, endless trophy photos of “Me Good Hunter”, and photos so old, blurry, or distant they could’ve been Antman, were instantly deleted. It was an exhausting and defeating process.
I pulled my profile after a few hours reeling as if I’d been dropped into freshly chummed, shark infested, waters. Friends relentlessly encouraged until I tried again. I reworked and rewrote extensively made it abundantly clear – you wanna “hookup” don’t waste our time, I posted photos with little to no makeup, in my comfy clothes, slow and steady was my mantra, take or leave it.
These conditions weeded out the masses until three became potential dates. The first was tall, athletic, great smile, taught meditation, amicable relationship with the ex, good conversation. We met at the Japanese gardens, first closeup view had me pull back in shock, he looked like at least twenty years older, by the end of the date he was convinced we were soulmates, could see our marriage ceremony at the gardens, and attempted a full frontal body kiss on me. Had to block him from my profile.
Second guy was a handsome Mediterranean, good humored, interesting, great conversationalist and intelligent. Had a lovely couple of months of lighthearted, fun, but very predictable dating schedule of a midweek lunch, and alternative weekends when he didn’t have his girls. Things were a bit too predictable for me so I tried door number three.
I was not interested in being exclusive, but he was persistent and determined to win me over. Turned out he’s incredible, attractive, smart, hilarious, romantic, creative, kind, caring, considerate, has the best voice not on radio and is deeply committed. Your cousin Mark was my Match and as we near nine years we’ve been through hell and back but wouldn’t change a thing.
A long winded (Werner Worthy) way to say, someday the hot tamale will meet an equally enticing dish when the time is right and your Mark helps create the magic because anyone who has loved you that deeply wants you to have a full of love life. 🌟🙏🏼🌈♥️🥰
❤️